Do Pick Up Lines Work?

Executive Image International
11/3/09
Tags: men, women, flirting, pick up, bars, sexuality

Tips From The Trenches

It was a dreary December afternoon the first time Leo walked into Sandrinas, the neighborhood tavern where I was tending bar. He was an elderly gentleman, mid eighties, well coiffed, sharply attired in a well tailored suit and tie with a flower on the lapel, smelling slightly of expensive aftershave. On this particular day, seated at the bar, upon Leo's arrival, was a lovely woman looking to be in her late sixties or seventies. Immediately taking notice, Leo walked over, sat alongside the woman, ordered from me a single-malt, took a sip, turned to the woman and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

Much of Leo's charm, admittedly, lies in his AARP membership, however, he is still a great example of a man who knows how to approach a woman in an endearing fashion. As a bartender for most of my adult life, I've bared witness to and been the victim of many an advance lacking in the subtle charm so elegantly demonstrated by Leo. And every time, I can't help but wonder what it was exactly that led the poor dolt to believe that this sort of behavior was ever going to enable them to get girls, get numbers, or get laid. I understand the enigma that is "what women want" is not something easily mastered, but I can tell you this much, what women don't want, most certainly is.

Top 5 Worst Moves Guys Make to Get Girls.

1. Using Offensively Dirty Pick Up Lines and Come Ons--Why yes, our tits are great. You like our ass, do you? Fantastic! No we do not sleep on our stomach, and no, you may not sleep on our stomach, either. Yes they are nice shoes, and no, we do not want to f@#k...or, more succinctly, we do not want to f@#k you. Dirty pick up lines are neither complimentary nor flattery; they are offensive and more than a little childish. What are you, 14? When I hear men use them I can't help but wonder, do you really think that we women are so desperate for attention that this sort of disrespectful, juvenile behavior is going to get us into bed? If your answer to that is anything besides absolutely not, let me be the first to inform you that aside from being moronic you are also wrong. Not only do dirty pick up lines not get us in the sack, they could likely get you a left hook to the nose. So fellas, stop saying grossly sexual things to women you don't know. Dirty pick up lines don't work, they do offend, and there's a real possibility they'll end up getting you hurt.

2. Disguising Less Than Savory Intentions As Useless Questions and Feigned Interest--I can't stress this enough, you do not know this woman. You are a stranger and should behave as such. Your feigned interest is both blatant and stilted. It's none of your business how many tattoos she has, or what they mean, and don't you even think about trying to touch them. Trust me when I tell you, she is not so stupid as to believe that you actually care if she's seen any good movies or read any good books, lately. She doesn't care what your major or career is, nor does she think you care about hers. Please don't debase a woman's intelligence by pretending that you do care. When you're trying to meet someone, playing 20 questions isn't going to close the deal. It's shameless and a little insulting. While it's true that everyone enjoys telling people about themselves, women are not so vain as to think that a perfect stranger feigning interest has any intention besides finagling himself into her bed. It's tired, and she sees it coming a mile away.

3. Flirting with Other Girls--As stated earlier, you do not know this girl. Flirting with other girls in order to make the girl you fancy jealous, does not a sweetheart make. Speaking as the bartender who is often used as an attempted means to this end, not only are you pissing her off by trying to flirt with me, you're annoying me, so stop it. While disingenuous concern or clingy-ness is irritating, total disinterest is terribly insulting and altogether ineffective. A woman needs to feel special or at the very least as if she's the only one you're looking at right now. So keep in mind, when trying to get girls by acting like a jerk, you will be seen and treated as such.

4. Confusing Bad Manners With Pulling Her Pigtails--We like having our pigtails pulled (some more than others) , we appreciate jaunty banter, and we love a challenge. Believe me, there's nothing like a little back-and-forth to put a girl in the mood. That said, don't mistake the hair pulling and bantering with bad manners, because again, when it all boils down, we don't know you and your asinine opinions don't mean all that much. So when faced with a disagreement over politics, religion, music, personal style, etc with a girl you do not know, but would like to know, be very careful as to how you proceed. The line between a challenging turn-on and pissing her off is thin.

5. Talking Big Game--Confidence is a good thing; it puts us at ease and in some deep-seated part of our psyche it registers that you'll be able to take care of us. But let me be clear, confidence does not equal pretension. That said, if you insist upon talking the talk you sure better be able to walk the walk. When it comes to money you've got, the cars you drive, the career you rock, the sexual prowess you brandish, and all the other swagger and brag you're swinging around down there, two things are very important. First, these (money, career, car) are all quite tangible and we'll know pretty quickly if you're lying about them; and second, big talk is usually a sure fire sign that you are, in fact, lying about them. Deal is, big time players make big time plays, they don't talk about them. So when on the hunt to get girls, less talk, more walk is always the way to go.

Alright, so now that we know what not to do, are there any tricks that help you get girls? Well funny you should ask, yes there are. Start by smiling and making eye contact. Smiling shows you're engaged and interested and eye contact signifies honesty, intelligence, candor, and confidence. Be appropriately enthusiastic; but don't fake it. You want to seem interested, but not overly interested. A good way to ensure you sound neither disinterested nor desperate is by matching the level of enthusiasm of you burgeoning ladylove. Employ the "almost touch" also known as the "stop short." As the significant majority of women do not like being touched by strangers, rubbing, groping, poking, and just about all other forms of physical contact are a bad idea. Them knowing that you would like to touch them, however, now that is a horse of a different color. Mastery of the "almost touch" tactic can be a real feather in your cap. When you're deep in conversation and she says something funny, moving, interesting, etc. maintain eye contact, go in like you're going to touch her arm or shoulder, but then stop short. It throws her off, and makes her wonder why you stopped. When correctly executed, it's nails. Lastly, leave her wanting more while making an excellent last impression. Perhaps you need to get back to your friends, or you're helping someone move early in the morning, whatever it is make it pleasant, and make it uncomplicated. Rather than just saying goodbye, leave her with a full sentence that includes her name. Something like, "Jayne, thanks, I had a really great time," works great, then get out of there.